Journey: Mother, Father

She sits alone, an empty stare



A mother's face she wears


Where did she go wrong,


the fight is gone


Lord help this broken home



Hey, mother, father, sister


Hey, come back, tryin', believein'


Hey, mother, father, dreamer



Don't you know that I'm alive for you


I'm your seventh son


And when lightning strikes the family


Have faith, believe.




With dreams he tried, but lost his pride


He drinks his life away


One photograph, in broken glass


It should not end this way.



Through bitter tears


And wounded years, those ties


of blood were strong


So much to say, those yesterdays


So now don't you turn away.

my Buddy

October 27:
Buddy: Will you bring me to my appt tomorrow?
Me: I can't, I have an appointment at FAHC tomorrow.
Buddy: Can I stay at ur house tonight and you can bring me down on your way?
Me: I don't go that way to Burlington, it's almost an hour out of my way to go that way
Buddy:I wanna stay at ur house tonight
Me: Why?
Buddy:I really don't feel well and dad is never comforting when I don't feel good
Buddy: you can't bring me down in the morning and drop me off to dads in the morning?
Me: It's too much for me to drive that long

Me to Mom:
Me: Buddy wants me to bring him to his appointment tomorrow and doesn't seem to understand that I HAVE to go to my appointment.
Mom: It sucks because it seems like they feel u have all this free time that your well and able 2 do all this driving. don't they know how sick u r? are they taking it 4 granted like Joe telling Bri she can be with u?
Me: I know but what do I do? He makes me feel bad and says he needs me and he is sick and Joe isn't comforting and Joe gets pissed and says I'm never there for the kids and he has to do everything for them and Bud says Joe is going to get fired if he takes anymore time off! What do I do?
Mom: We understand honey, I feel so helpless and so does dad. We love you.

October 28:
Buddy: I need the charger. Can you drop it off to dad and he will bring it to me?
Me: Just called my doctor to see if I can come in at 4 instead of 3. I told him whats going on and he said there's NO WAY I should be at a hospital full of sick people and be exposed this close to my surgery and if what you have is viral and if I get it I will not be able to have my surgery.
Buddy: He's at work and that's my only way to get ahold of people, please?
Me: Can he come get it? I don't go that way to go to Burlington. It's an hour out of the way.
Buddy: No, he'll get fired if he takes anymore time off.

November 1:
Buddy: I don't want to be here anymore!
Me: Then come home. What's going on? Not happy with the drinking and fighting ur getting into.

Buddy calls and I tell him that I'm not happy with the drinking and the fights he's getting into. He ends the call as "he's going to go get something to eat".

A few minutes later:
Buddy: I didn't call to get bitched at! I thought you would be the one person I can talk to.
Me: I've always been there to listend but I'm so hurting rite now
Buddy: How are you hurting?
Me: Everything and I'm worried sick about you and what's going on
Buddy: I'm sorry, I will be ok I think
Me: I would feel better if you come home.
Buddy: Me to but then I will just stress about classes
Me: You need to come home, you can take a semester off
Buddy: No, I can't
Me: I may not be around next semester but you should know that Tim will be there for you. Love you Bud, please don't take chances.
Buddy: Please don't say that, it makes me sad. You need to be strong please!
Me: You have to accept that I'm sick and dying Bud
Buddy: It sucks and I don't wanna
Me: You have to.
Buddy: I don't want to!
Me: I know it's hard but you have to think about it and come to terms with it.
Buddy: What r the odds of you not making it?
Me: Tim loves you like a son, talk to him
Buddy: How long do they give you?
Me: Depends on how the surgery goes
Me: I don't think you or your dad realize how sick I am.
Buddy: I do mom, stop saying that!!! How long do they give you?
Me: If the surgery is not successful.....6 months at the most
Buddy:  Please don't leave me!
Me: It's not my choice
Buddy: Please be strong, I don't want to lose you!
Me: I'm trying but so sad, tired, and hurting all the time
Buddy:  idk what to do! I'm so sad all the time and I just wanna be back with you.
Me: I know, me too
Buddy: I don't wanna regret not spending as much time as I can with you.
Me: I know but you can't stop living, life does go on. Just don't make me worry so much about you!
Buddy: I worry about you, you mean everything to me!
Me: Ditto Bud, now go and eat!
Buddy: I can't. I just wanna come and be with you
Me: You have to eat, it will make you feel better. Christmas break will be here soon.
Buddy: Ya, but that all i do is think about whether your gonna make it through the day!
Buddy:  I love you so much and you have always been there for me. Don't ever forget that! I appreciate everything you have ever done for me!

Halloween 2009

Halloween was so much fun. Brianna was a beautiful witch, Matthew was an army man, Tim and I were just scary.....lol. We hit the streets early as Brian was going to pick up Matt at 5:30. It was windy and raining, but that wasn't going to stop the kids from their candy! They had decorated pillow cases and in about 45 minutes they were already 1/3 full. They had so much fun, but once Matt left with Brian, it was kind of sad to see Bri going door-to-door by herself. She didn't seem to mind though. Tim and I stood at the bottom of the driveways and watched her. Tim was his usual, funny, self-proclaimed funny f*#@$% scaring the kids as they walked by and making rude comments to the older ones and adults. rofl. It's a little sad to think that pretty soon Bri will be too old to Trick or Treat.

My Daughter, Brittany

Below is a posting on Brittany's Facebook:

Brittany Beck Morgan:
 People get sick and die but life still moves on, get over it. Thats life
Sat at 6:53pm
June Schartner:
no you dont i know
Sat at 7:13pm
Eleanor Morgan:
what the heck is going on britt r u ok?
Sat at 7:18pm
Susan Monfette:
She is referring to her dying mother Ellie. Nice way to feel about her mom huh?
Mon 5:19 am

Brittany Beck Morgan:
Well you guys fucked me watch me fly and not only care about my girls
Mon 8:00 am

Brittany Beck Morgan:
People get sick and die but life still moves on, get over it. Thats life
Sat 6:52PM

June Schartner:
dont say things you dont know i lost a son and you better pray you dont lose a child
Sat at 7:16pm
Brittany Beck Morgan:i was refering to my mom and every one is babing her
Sat at 9:01pm
Susan Monfette:Yes Brittany, in the world of reality (in which it does not appear you are living in) mothers do "baby" (not babing) their dying child. She's your mother and she's dying, so continue on in your "make-believe" world like all is fine and good and you're perfect. We are HER mother and father and WE WILL continue to "baby" her until her last breath!
Mon at 5:11 am
Brittany Beck Morgan: Like i said LIFE STILL MOVES ON
Mon at 8:00 am
__________________________________________________________________________________
Brittany Beck Morgan October 31 at 6:50pm
I was not allowed to have my children with me my mother told me that they were going to stay with her and they werent leaving. I made the hardest choice of my life and that was to leave. My kids are doing excelent and i have them back hannah is comming back soon. I work i have my shit together i worked my ass of to get there. I made some bad decissions with trusting people that i am learning that i couldnt trust and now i am dealing with that. But shit happens and people get sick they get cancer but that doesnt make the days stop comming and the world end. Life moves on and so have I.

Susan Monfette October 31 at 5:41am
sometimes we all need a kick in the but to get us on track. i hope you are on track and things are beginning to work out for you! just remember that your mom and grammy tried to help , if i remember correctly you made the choice to leave that night at the ballfield and not take your children with you.you know as sick as your mom is with cancer there is no way she could take care of them, so dont blame her for what she did. as i told you that night you dont just up and leave your children. you can be mad at us forever but it will not change the fact that you made the choice to leave, no one here told you to leave. if you remember living in derbyline and gram and i were always there to help you out and when you went to live with your mom she tried to help you out also! we did it becuase we love you and your children! [we still do and that will never change no matter what happens in the future]. you can be mad at me for saying this but dont blame us for the situation you created.....again we all still love you and the children!!! love papa