Tuesday, October 27th: long ride to Franklin Pierce

Got a call Tuesday that Buddy is still having chest pains and needs to come home to see his doctor. Joe couldn't get out of work to pick him up so I had to make the drive. Just so mad and frustrated. I feel like they think that just because I have all this "free time" that I can do all the running and taking care of things. Yes, I would like to be able to, but they don't understand what torture it's like for me to have to get in a car, sit for almost 4 hours one way and drive. My whole body starts to throb and ache and I feel so exhausted after 20 minutes, let alone 190 miles one way! Anyways, I left at 2:00 and got there at 5:30; drove non-stop. By the time I got there I was so tired and sick to my stomache.

Buddy didn't have two words to say. He said he didn't feel good, but insisted on driving. I didn't argue with him because at that point I knew it was probably safest that he drive. He kept insisting that he wanted to come back to my house in Newport for the night and I could bring him to the doctors in the morning in St. Johnsbury. I had an appointment in Burlington the next day and at first he asked me to cancel it and I said no. Then he asked if I would just drop him off on my way to Burlington. I tried to explain to him that I don't go to Burlington from Newport that way and that it's an extra hour of driving by going that way. He became even more sullen and made me feel bad about not agreeing. Bud didn't say anything and he didn't want to talk.

I was very nauseous and dozed most of the way back. He text the whole time he was driving and everytime he texted the car would swerve and made me even more nauseous. I didn't say anything about it cause I knew he was already pissed and didn't want the situation to worsen. He woke me up in St. Johnsbury and told me that I needed to wake up. He asked me three times if I would be okay to drive home alone and that he would drive me home if needed. I told him I was fine.

We got to Joe's and he went right into his room and turned on the tv. I talked with Bri for a little while. Before I left I went into talk to Buddy. He didn't want to talk and wouldn't take his eyes off the tv....he's pissed at me.

I drove home and stopped at mom and dad's to pick up Matthew. I was so pissed that Buddy was acting that way towards me cause I wouldn't bring him to his doctors the next morning. I got even more pissed because I thought of the time I had lost with Matthew to go pick Buddy him and have him treat me this way. Maybe it's wrong, but at that moment I resented Buddy taking my time away from Matthew and then treat me like that.

When I got to mom and dad's, Matthew was sleeping so mom told me to leave him. I cried on the way home thinking that I had lost out on spending my last night with Matthew before he had to go back to Brians.